When I’m having a bad episode of depression I feel the deepest sadness that I just can’t place. It runs right through my body and my heart physically aches. Often tears fall from my eyes when I’m out in busy places - it’s hard to explain but when that happens I’m not actively crying...the tears are moving separately to my emotions and just pour out of my face. I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment when I’m low, I feel like it’s not valid, that others have it worse than me and I shouldn’t be feeling so low. It’s very hard to concentrate on anything else when all that is going on. It’s overwhelming and normal tasks like cooking, supermarket shopping, keeping up with my texts and WhatsApp’s become impossible.
Talking has helped me so much. Being accepted for the whole of me (including mental health problems) is really empowering. It removes some of the shame attached to my low moods when others love and care for me regardless. It has also meant they know when to support me more or when to encourage me into sport or meeting up. They also now understand more when I need to take time out. Counselling helped me so much for so many years I have now trained as a therapist myself. I believe everyone should have someone to talk to in confidence - that’s where growth and change happens.
The advice I would give someone suffering would be: talk, talk, talk. Find a therapist, keep trying different ones until you find the right one for you. Don’t be put off.
Celebrate the small successes - getting up or leaving the house are major victories sometimes. Also be with nature. See the frost in spring and the new daffodils push through regardless - we can all take something from that. Be grateful. Be grateful every day for something... it will naturally lift your spirits. Hold on. It will pass. It won’t be like this forever.